The day my daughter turned into the Grinch

One day when my daughter was eight, she discovered (accidentally) the true story of The Easter Bunny. She was pretty devastated but decided life could go on and off we went to school. However during the ten minute drive it took to get to the school gates she realised that the same must have been true of The Tooth Fairy and Santa and that was really just too much for her to deal with.

I took her home for the day and she lay on the lounge devastated and disillusioned by the whole turn of events. Then she wrote this poem which just resurfaced during a clean up.

As you can see she took it hard.



Cruising: the good, the bad and the boring

I’ve been home for a few days now but I’ve been in bed with a head cold, a throat infection and a weird rash. Now I’m not going to come right out and blame it on ship germs but well, you have to be suspicious. Actually I must say that the ship was very clean and they were all over hygiene. All the eating places had hand sanitiser at the door and the toilets had paper towels to open the doors so you didn’t have to touch the handle then bins to toss them in and they were constantly sweeping up and wiping down. So what I mean is people germs on the ship.

The Good.
I didn’t feel sick at all, in fact I never even felt slightly queasy. I was left thinking that people who do become sea-sick must have some sort of inner ear problem because I just can’t see how people could get as sick as they do.

I didn’t once think that I might die at sea in a ship wreck. Not even when we were in the middle of a massive lightning and thunder-storm in the middle of the night. It was just one of those things that’s so far out of your control that there’s no point worrying about it.

The rooms were a good size – bigger than most motel rooms I’ve been in and it came with a balcony and a good sized bathroom.

The Bad
Just about everything else. The sea is big people and it’s kind of boring, it just goes on and on and on. We went three days before we saw a single thing which ended up being a pod of dolphins and let me tell you it was an exciting moment; you’d of thought people had never seen a dolphin before by the way they were oooing and aaaing over them. Well actually, maybe they hadn’t, who knows where all those passengers came from. Anyway prior to that excitement there was nothing – not a fish or a bird or a turtle or a shark. My nephew told us he saw a shark but I’m pretty sure it was because he missed seeing the dolphins. You missed seeing the dolphins! That’s ok, I saw a shark just before. Says he, nibbling away at his – high tea at sea macarons and cakes.

I can see how/why people love cruising and become addicted to it but it’s just not for me. I felt too confined with too many people – 2600 of them in fact plus the staff. If I could get off the ship every day at a different place I think I could handle it but just being on it day after day would do my head in. I still think one of those river cruises would be nice or one where you flew to Hawaii then went around the islands.

I think you need to like eating a lot to enjoy cruising – you can literally eat for 24 hours a day. A couple walked past me and one said to the other – how many days have we been on this boat and the reply was, I don’t know but we’ve eaten a lot of meals.

They needed more happening throughout the day besides gambling, bingo, 90’s music trivia, a mature age meetup and other such frivolity. They had some good shows on at night and good live music but they needed that happening through the day as well.

We were a group of five adults and two kids and I think it’s good to go with a group as you can always find someone to hang out with if someone else wants to have a lie down or hide for a while. I saw a few party groups on board; a hens party, a 21st party, a 50th party and a wedding anniversary party and I think that could be a fun idea.

But be warned people – drinks are not cheap and according to the information book they put in your room, Australians like to drink. I wish I’d taken that book with me now, they had a list of differences between American and Australian passengers and the number one difference was the amount of alcohol we drink – you pussies. I remember it said that (and I quote) American passengers like to wait until 5pm to start drinking whereas Australians like to start early then keep up a steady pace for the rest of the cruise. LOL. The bar staff must be shaking in their boots waiting for us to arrive. I must say though that they do make excellent cocktails. Terrible coffee though. Apparently (the book told me) they sent the staff to Barista school three times to learn how to satisfy the Australian need for good coffee but I think they need about another two lessons. The other one I remember is lamb – apparently they don’t put lamb on the American cruise menus but we get it and wine is more popular with Australian passengers. Not too popular with me mind you being $13 a glass!!

Don’t worry I didn’t sit around crying all weekend, we had laughs but I can cross it off the list and know that it’s not something I’ll be doing again. Kiss that 18 day cruise to Hawaii goodbye mother. Although now I think about it, my sister (not Emjay) went cruising to Vanuatu and enjoyed it, she said she wouldn’t mind doing another one so there you go, whatever floats your boat.

Daily Prompt: I Did it My Way

Describe the one decision in your life where you wish you could get a “do-over.” Tell us about the decision, and why you’d choose to take a different path this time around.

Well I’m turning 50 next week so there are about a million things I’d do differently but whats the point of doing that. Do one thing differently and I’d have lived a whole different life and this one hasn’t been so bad.

When I was 18 I was going to do nursing – I’d been accepted and was finishing up all the paperwork. ( Actually I was finishing up the paperwork the night I heard the plane flapping about that went missing and has never been found that the police didn’t believe I heard – maybe they should go back and do that bit differently and they might have found it). Anyway I can’t remember why I didn’t go nursing but if I had of I would have led a whole different life with different friends, husband, kids etc and who knows, it might have been better, might have been worse but there’s no point in even thinking about it. Maybe if I’d gone ahead and done nursing I’d be sitting here now going – damn, I wish I’d moved to Sydney and worked in the sandwich shop my sister was running at the submarine base.

It’s like that movie whatever it was called – you go back and try to change one thing for a better outcome and you just stuff something else up either for yourself or someone else.

You’ve just got to deal with it people – live in the now. You made your choices and they put you where you are – if you made bad ones then just try to learn from them and make better ones from now on.


Daily Prompt: Those Dishes Won’t Do Themselves (Unfortunately)

What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

It would have to be the washing – laundry. You can never get on top of it and there’s always a pile of clothes or towels somewhere waiting to be dealt with. If they’re not in the bathroom basket dirty they’re on the line, or in another basket waiting to be folded, or in a pile waiting for someone to put them away and when you go back into the bathroom that night there’s the basket half full of dirty clothes again. Or you open the washing machine and there’s a load of damp towels in there that someone (me) forgot to hang up. Or some other lazy bastard has come along and needed to use the machine so they’ve just dumped the damp towels in the sink and not bothered to hang them up. Or you wonder why you haven’t got any clothes or towels and then find them a month later in the clothes dryer.



The Fast Dozen Meme

From the archives at All Stace, All The Time

What is the last book that you passed on to someone else to read?
My husband travels an hour to work and back each day so I borrow audio books from the library for him to listen to so I’m going to put in a request for The Golem and the Jinni because I really enjoyed that.

The one song you secretly or not so secretly want to sing at karaoke?
Anything ABBA – probably Dancing Queen but it’s not really much of a secret around here. I’d really like to have the white pants suit that Agnetha wore in Mama Mia to do it in as well.

If you had to pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
I wouldn’t bother, I’m pretty happy with Jane. When I was about 10 I wanted to be called Madeleine which is my middle name because I didn’t know any others (now they’re all over the place). At that time I believed I was really a lost gypsy child that my parents had found wandering country NSW and taken in to raise and Jane didn’t seem quite exotic enough.

What do you wish your administrator or boss would notice?
Well that’s me really and I already notice every thing.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
Just one hmmmmmm I can’t pick, there’s so many. People who don’t park properly annoy me – those people who take up two spots or waste space.

What holds you back in pursuing your biggest dream?
Having kids, running our own business, having a needy dog, money. My kids are adults now though so I can’t blame them for any future holdbacks.

Why do you think you are a lovable person?
I never think I am but my kids seem to think I’m ok. I’m not all soft and warm and fuzzy but those in my group of loves know I’ll always have their back and I’ll stand by them and for them. I think I’m kind and I’m not judgemental.

If every day had an extra hour in it, what would you do with it?
Read – maybe, I don’t know actually. It’s not really a lot of time an hour.

The last song you turned up in your car or house was?
Lol well, I was home alone last night cleaning out the kitchen cupboards with the stereo blasting
in general but I did tweak it up a little further when Almost Saturday Night – John Fogerty/Keith Urban came on.

What is a secret talent you may have?
It remains a secret even from myself.

Your favorite thing to do outside when it’s not too cold out in the winter?
It’s never too cold to go outside in winter here but we have some days in summer when it’s too hot to go outside.

How do you respond if someone asks you an inappropriate or nosy question?
That’s usually my daughter and tell her to mind her bloody business


Hair affairs

When I cracked the shits a few months ago and decided I wasn’t going to colour my hair anymore, I also decided I wasn’t going to pay to get it cut anymore either.

My hair is a couple of inches past my shoulders, it’s thick and coarse, it’s curly at the back but not really at the front and I have a huge cowlick on my right temple and I’ve never found a hairdresser who really knew what to do with it. They tend to want to layer it or thin it but that just makes it crazy and frizzy, when what it needs is a lot of weight to hold it down.

So I armed myself with a new pair of scissors and put in a purchase request at the library for the Hairdressing for Dummies book. Unfortunately they tell me it is out of print so I’m going to have to wing it.

Yesterday I said to my daughter – come on, let’s go outside and you can cut my hair. (The plan is to just keep cutting a couple of centimetres off it each month until all the bleach is out – and yes, it’s going to get ugly for a while).

So I’m standing out there and she’s snip snip snipping away and every so often she’d say – hang on there’s a longer bit here and snip, she’d show me a fairly large chunk of hair in her hands and I said – I don’t think you know what you’re doing and she said – Obviously – because I’m not a hairdresser.

Looks good to me though, my hair is so thick that you can’t even notice a few crazy snips. Well I can’t anyway – I never look at the back of my head.


the baby

I’ve been having quite a few – how the hell did that happen – moments lately.

One of them was this morning when I wished my baby a happy 21st birthday. Even though a lot has happened over that time, it really is amazing just how quickly those 21 years have passed.

She tells me she’s a big girl now but I told her that having had 49 years experience of it myself that once you’re the baby, you’re always the baby.

And what a cute baby she is.



The waiting game

Look what I bought yesterday.


Pretty sweet little Suzuki Swift Sport.

This is the demo – mine is coming on a boat from Japan. My car, my lounge and my kitchen table are currently seeing more of the world than I have.

I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted a new car and I decided I was going to get exactly what I wanted because that has rarely happened over the years.

When I bought my very first car my father came with me and talked me into buying the more reliable sensible choice rather than the sportier more reckless one that I wanted. When I moved to Sydney I bought a pink Volkswagen beetle that I loved (you can park those things anywhere) but I had to sell it after my third baby was born as it’s impossible to fit a capsule, two toddler seats and a pram into one. Then I went through the years of big family cars that my husband picked so they were big, manual, V8’s with fat mag wheels and included a very nice black jag and a cool monaro that was a similar yellow to my swift. I was able to get another vw beetle when the kids were tweens which I loved but then  we had to move onto a totally daggy enormous Toyota Avalon when the kids were teenagers as they became so tall and gangly that it was the only thing they’d fit in; but it was such a reliable car I can’t fault it.

When I had my third child the oldest was only four so once the oldest hit 16 we had some solid years of L plates and driving lessons happening so we sold the Avalon and bought the Getz because it was small and they could drive it and park it and it had great visibility (the windows are huge!) and it has been a fantastic little car; I recommend them to anyone who wants a little reliable car that can zip about the town or city and park or turn anywhere and really does run on the smell of an oily rag.

Mind you it’s a tight squeeze fitting five adults in one – possible though. Sometimes if we’re all going somewhere we’ll travel together although I always have to sit in the back as I’m the smallest member of the family, Kimba and Lloyd usually fight it out for the front seat. The extra weight is a serious drag on the power though.


They all have their own cars now though so I can finally get something that just suits me – I don’t have to consider the leg length of mutant children or make sure the boot is big enough to fit in a double pram or five suitcases or if It’s able to have a bike rack put on the back.

Three weeks wait and it should be here and I’m already planning a little road trip.