Daily Prompt: A Source of Anxiety

Write about a noise — or even a silence — that won’t go away.

Thats an easy one – my tinnitus! Although I wouldn’t say it causes me anxiety because that just makes it worse. It just is what it is although at the start it caused me anxiety for sure.

It’s going crazy today – because I’m really tired I think but it’s always bad when I first get up – before the noisy day sounds begin and block it out or I start thinking about other things. It’s always bad when I go to bed as well because it’s quiet so that’s all I hear and then I start to think about it and then I go INSANE, which is why I usually sleep with the ceiling fan on; because it makes a constant noise. I know someone who has tinnitus who sleeps with a fish tank in the bedroom so the pump noise masks the crazy ear noise but I’m such a light sleeper I think that’d be too noisy for me.

When I was first diagnosed with it (about six years ago) I really did think it would eventually drive me insane, I didn’t see how anyone could live with it forever but after a while I became used to it and the trick is to not think about it and to keep other noise around you. If I can’t block it from my mind I just think of it as being a motor – like a fridge motor you can hear – I think of it as my brain motor just humming along. Another trick I read was to project the noise out of your head and imagine it as being somewhere else. I do that sometimes at night – I project it out of my head and into the laneway outside the window; as if it’s something happening out there. But that takes a bit of concentration and tends to make you fixate on the noise so I usually just go with – ignore it or accept it.

I’m currently doing an experiment to see if running makes it worse or not. I’m not sure yet but sometimes I think that constant pounding could exacerbate it but I haven’t read anything confirming or denying it.

Tinnitus comes in many different variations of sound and the only way I can describe mine is that its like cicada noise or summer night insect noises if that makes any sense. One time I found a page where you could listen to examples of some of the noises and ringings that different people hear and some of them are just awful, I don’t know how they live with it so I’m thankful that I just have a head full of crazy insects on a hot summer day.

Once my daughter told me that a girl in her class had spelled cicadas as sakatas which made me laugh because sakatas are biscuits and since then I’ve always imagined I have a head full of crazy screaming little biscuits trying to escape.

screaming-sakatas

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/source-of-anxiety/

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the story of matilda

began 15 years ago today at 5am in the morning. An easy uneventful labour that resulted in a 9lb 2oz baby girl. All the drama began before we left the house. I stood on the front verandah at 1am and flat out refused to get into this old heap of rubbish car we had at the time. No way was I going to the hospital in it. So we had a bit of a fight about it until Cheryl came out and said – Stop fighting and get to the hospital. So we went in the work truck. When we got there we’d forgotten the card with all the details from the prenatal classes so darren had to go home and get it. Then I couldn’t get any pethidine as I think the nurses were too scared to wake the doctor up to ask him. They finally did at 4.30am and of course she was born half an hour later so all it really did was make me zonked out for the rest of the day. The nurses had the room all dark and relaxing and the doctor stormed in with bed hair and shoelaces undone and yelled out – will someone turn on the bloody light! Anyway Matilda was a bloody brat in hospital. Wouldn’t stop crying – almost drove us all insane. The nurses said she was hungry because she was so big and couldn’t wait for the milk to turn up. Of course the doctor had said she wasn’t allowed to have formula while she was waiting and the old sister said it was alright for him home in bed, not here with her working herself into a state. (Matilda that is was in a state, not the sister, although I’m pretty sure she just about was as well). She ended up giving her bottles of water – poor starving thing. But we survived and made it home where I only knocked her out of the bassinet once (it had funny wheels and I was pushing it and they kind of caught and over it went). But I had her tucked in tightly so she kinda stayed intact. Poor old third child – you’re much more reckless with them. When Jessie was born we were scared to put one of those little bonds suits on her as we thought we’d break her leg trying to get her into it. We had an elaborate bathing routine that involved warm rooms and fluffy towels whereas matilda’s just involved throwing her in with whoever was in the bath at the time then lying her on the bathroom floor to get dry. But she survived. Poor child, look, we couldn’t even be bothered putting her legs in the bouncer properly.

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i'm bringing sexy back

Not me specifically – especially not now that I have a revolting cold and throat infection and my hair is greasy and my eyes are red on the inside yet ringed with black on the outside. And I carry a bandana around to blow my nose on which I hope after a good wash will be good to put in my hair again. You wonder sometimes don’t you how your body can produce so much snot and phlegm. But after thats all fixed, well I guess anythings possible.

sexxy-back.jpg

I used catscrap  syrin ugly flowers and ida doodle hearts, erica hite hearts and two peas frame. (I didn’t call them ugle flowers – she did).

One thing that gives me a laugh

is having a look at how people have arrived at this blog. What search engine term they’ve typed in. Now I don’t actually remember writing about “stinky boy armpits” but there you go – I could be wrong. And people, I’d just like to say EAT MORE FIBRE. Apparently there are quite a few people out there suffering constipation.

Now here’s a pic of matilda and one of her friends. Hmm teenage girls – sweet little things aren’t they. And they weren’t even pissed off about anything when this was taken.

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Credit to rhonna farrer word art overlay, ida at catscrap butterfly thingy and michelle coleman grungy overlay.

sin city rain

sorry, couldn’t think of a more interesting title. Anyway, I saw this challenge to do your take on the sin city effect. Which is basically the rain. Which is a bit tricky. I checked out a few tutorials and found http://photoshoptutorials.ws/photoshop-tutorials/photo-effects/rain.html to be the best. So here’s my take on it. I’d like to thank matilda for being my model again and jessie for taking snaps. I’d also like to point out that I don’t make them eat peas every day.

sin-city1.jpg

but would denise austin eat it?

I pondered this question on saturday while I sat with my twisties and vodka. And of course the answer was , well probably not. I’ve been doing some denise austin exercise dvd’s and I really like her manner. I tried billy blanks as well but with him I always felt I might put my back out throwing my legs around like they do. He’s more kind of mmmm.. intense. So I’m doing the denise tapes but then I figure I should look into the eating habits as well. So I’m going to make this into a magnet and slap it on the fridge and ask myself that question whenever I feel the urge for a sugary, salty, vodkay type thing.

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scrapgirls circle template, mouth from sxc and caramel tart from the local bakery

rain rain go away

I hate rainy days. You can’t say that though in these days of droughts and water restrictions. If word gets out that I hate rain the township will probably rustle up a lynch mob to deal with me. And living in a country town I can tell you that rain is a popular conversation topic. Nice drop of rain we’re having, isn’t the rain lovely, good to see some rain. That sort of thing. I just sort of go along with it. I’m not out of the closet as a sun lover. Now, my next elsie challenge. I think I’ve caught up to lee unless she’s done one today. Let me go check. Oh good – no she’s been too busy with sick kids and dodgy computers. Not to mention being a creative demon.  http://blognow.com.au/lalalee

So this challenge was to make a frame, or a funky frame. So Jessie drew 2 hearts and I just copied them a few times an there you go. I know I know – it’s a bit slack but it does the job. I painted the background then scanned it in and the word art bit is from tina chambers

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