Well it would be some sort of cone of silence I could put over the house of my neighbours who live across the road. I was going to make some sort of machine that would make them disappear altogether but that seemed a bit mean.
I know everyone thinks they live next to noisy neighbours but I think I win – or lose. Everything about these people is noisy, every bloody thing. The remote that unlocks their car is noisy and they feel the need to check that it’s locked several times a day, their phone is set to the loudest ringer, they slam doors, they have no clue about their house alarm which is constantly being activated, when visitors leave their house they have loud conversations with them from the front verandah, the mother toots her car horn at the kids when she leaves the house and yells out bye, love you about ten times, she yells out at her father who comes to visit and parks right outside my bedroom window and is as noisy as his big mouth daughter and their own god damn daughter who is about five will not do a single thing without having a fight and a tantrum about it first. It goes on.
However I like to look on the positive side of every situation I encounter, so every morning while I’m lying in bed listening to the cacophony produced by them I feel thankful that they don’t own a dog.