I’m not really big on disclosure. Mine or others.
The absolute worst thing about going back to school (besides gaining five kilo) was going to a class for the first time, or meeting a new teacher and they’d want you to – tell us a bit about yourself. What do you do,why are you here, what do you hope to gain.
Why? Why does everyone or anyone in this room need to know one single thing about me? how is it going to make me learn anything about the subject. My friend used to laugh and say I was like a KGB operative I was so shady about myself.
Had to laugh at one girl though – she loved that disclosing shit. I can tell you every single drama and tragedy and bad experience that girl has ever experienced if you’re interested. Actually its hard to believe that her self-esteem was ever low enough for her to end up in some of the situations she did because she certainly had the confidence to get up in a room full of strangers and talk about herself. A lot.
Also I’m not about to confess any of the stupid (yet slightly thrilling) things I did as a teenager that could lead to the criminal record I have thus far avoided. The internet’s memory travels far far away into strange places people so it’s best to just keep your lips zipped about anything you may feel the urge to blurt no matter how long ago they happened. It’s ok, I’m not dangerous or anything, no one was harmed.
Okay, so, let me think.
I ate the last three Oreos then lay in bed and listened to my husband and daughter accuse each other of eating them. I never eat sweet things so they’d never even suspect me of eating them but I was just walking past and saw them so I ate them and then I listened to them call each other fat liars.
Once I ripped the plastic cover off a library book so I could run my fingers over the raised pattern on the front and when I returned the book I suggested that they might need to cover their books a bit better because the cover had just fallen off. (It was a werewolf and he had big fangs and blood was dripping from them and I really needed to feel it – one of my favourite parts of reading a new book is running my fingers over the cover if its interesting.)
One time I was cooking fish for dinner and I thought it was a bit off, a bit smelly, so I served it up to everyone but I didn’t have any. They all survived.
Oh and I don’t celebrate Australia Day – never have. I don’t like to sound like an old fuddy duddy but it’s a really good day to stay at home because if you go out all you’re going to see is a lot of drunk wankers roaming about wearing flags and yelling Aussie Aussie Aussie. My son used to work at Subway and he always said that Australia Day and Anzac day were the two days that you never wanted to be working there because you had to deal with so many drunk idiots.