I finished my TAFE course yesterday and I have a Diploma in Library/Information Services to say so. I can’t work out if that day I started the course 18 months ago seems like five minutes ago or a thousand years ago. I didn’t feel as excited about finishing as I was hoping to, I just walked out the gate for the last time and that was that; the world hadn’t changed, I hadn’t changed and no one really gave a rats arse about it, myself included.
A lot went on during that 18 months; Dad was sick for most of the year and then of course died, Betty died, Mum had her final radiation treatments for breast cancer, my best friend ended our 20 year friendship because she decided she only liked bright shiny new things to match her bright shiny new boyfriend and I left my home of twenty years and moved house. In between it was just assignment after assessment after essay and day after day sitting in a bare grey class room, so I just decided to put everything aside, concentrate on the school work and then think about them all later.
And now it’s later. So I’ll just take a couple of weeks I think and let my brain process everything before I decide what to do next. Anyway it’s really annoying how people say ‘so what are you going to do now’ because I might do absolutely bugger all now.
I had this dream on Thursday – Daz was talking to Mum on the phone and he wasn’t saying much, just listening and I started feeling anxious and when he finished the call I said to him ‘when you’re talking to Mum don’t be all quiet like that, you made me think that Dad was dead’ and he said ‘he is dead’ and I sort of laughed and said ‘oh, thats right’.
We’re having a wake in about a month when Emjay gets back and I guess that’ll sort of round all that episode out, finish it up in a way.
The first thing I’m going to do is have a massage on Monday, my neck is killing me, it feels as if it’s had concrete poured in there and I can’t move it any direction very far, I must carry tension there. Plus I can feel a migraine coming on as well and a cold. Bodies are funny things aren’t they, marvellous really – it’s as if it kept me going when I needed it to but now that I’ve finished it’s going to have a little mini breakdown on me. I don’t mind though, it just means I can spend a couple of weeks in bed catching up on movies and scanning in Mum and Dads honeymoon photos. So stay tuned for more photos.