being friendly

The thing about friends, is that I expect them to be friendly. Maybe I expect too much or maybe people just get boring. I mean I might be 47 years old but I still want to play with my friends. Otherwise, whats the point of them? C’mon people loosen up.

I used to have a good friend and I thought we’d be friends for ever. We had a lot of fun but then, oh I don’t know, I don’t want to slag her because I loved her for years, so lets just say that didn’t pan out. (mainly because she turned out to be a selfish liar).

I’ve never been one of those people who have bazillions of friends and in fact when I ponder my funeral I do believe we will only need to book a very small venue. But I like it that way because I don’t connect with a lot of people.

So I like my few friends but I’m sick of being the one who always arranges for us to do things. A lot of the time they’re all busy doing whatever it is busy people do but you know I’m busy as well and you should never be too busy to catch up with your friends because ONE DAY THEY’LL GET SICK OF BEING THE ONE WHO ALWAYS HAS TO ORGANISE GETTING TOGETHER EVENTS AND WON’T BOTHER ANYMORE. And then you’ll never see them again and maybe you’ll be sorry about that one day.

Example 1. Since I moved I’ve sent numerous texts, emails and phone calls to a good friend I left behind saying to come and stay, have a girls weekend with another friend of ours who lives near me, and she has put me off with tales of the busy monster until now I can’t be bothered anymore, I’m sick of asking. I mean there comes a point when you feel like you’re a sad old bitch begging for attention.

Friendship people, it’s a 50/50 commitment – or it should be anyway. But I don’t think it often is. So all I can say is thank god that I like my husband and my family and myself because when it comes down to it they’re the ones I really want to spend time with,




21 thoughts on “being friendly

  1. Funny I should read this today. There is an old friend I tried so hard to connect to for years – she never replied to mails (or worse replied saying she is busy at the moment), never responded to SMS messages, never returned calls, etc. For years.
    Now she is in town and sends word through another friend that she would love to meet up and do lunch.
    I used a very bad word today.

  2. Keeping friends over decades is not easy. People are pulled in so many directions. Expectations change over time, and I find myself wishing for the friend I used to have. The friend I have now I barely understand… So I handle with care, try not to cling to them too hard, and hope one day they will return.

    • Well you do start to feel like a clinger after a while so that’s why I’ve stopped asking. I have just come back into contact with someone who was a very good friend a while back. We just drifted apart for no particular reason and didn’t see or peak to each other for about six years and not because we’d had a fight or didn’t like each other. Then a month ago I sent her a card saying – lets have lunch and we did and now we’re going to do it more often.

  3. crap, I just managed to page back and delete my comment. Anyway, yeah, I have been there. And my mom is one who says no and then wonders why no one ever calls her anymore. It’s like she wants people to beg her for her prized company. No, not gonna happen. And then there is the BFF who would call or text to let me know she’d be in town over the holidays but then never had even an hour to hang out with me. I live about 2 minutes’ drive from her parents. So I gave up. And I gave up a couple years ago trying to see her in NY when I’d go there to visit other friends. She blew me off one too many times and I decided I’d only hang out with my friends who actually desired my company, not the one who said she’d meet us and then would text or call 100 times with excuses of lateness, the train being stopped, or whatever. If she wants to alienate the last actual friend she has on the planet, fine. She’s done it!

    • That made me remember when you were in Joshua Tree. People couldn’t believe I was going to drive 2 hours to meet you. I had to keep pointing out, “she flew ACROSS THE COUNTRY” and that it was a rare and important opportunity for me to have you be within driving distance!

      • LOL, and I’m so glad you felt that way too. It was fun. That also reminds me that my friend from England makes trips to NYC sometimes but never contacts me either. I know it’s usually short trips, possibly for business and/or to see her brother but still, it’s 2 hours away. I’d have made the effort to see her.

    • I often wonder one day if these people will be sorry that they let the friendship die but maybe they just don’t give a shit and never think twice about it. My friend Catherine had a “good” friend fly home from Perth (that’s a six hour trip) to visit family and she sent Catherine a text saying she was in town but wouldn’t have time to see her! I think the friendship isn’t so good anymore.

      • geeez, usually when you fly across the country you make the effort to squeeze in visits with as many people as you can, why bother telling someone you are in town but don’t have a minute to spare for them. I know with my BFF…she’s got so many problems, she knows I’m probably her only true friend but she also has trouble with facing truth and knows I can see thru her BS and therefore she’d prefer to avoid me than keep our promise of being honest with each other.

  4. I’m probably halfway that person who can’t do stuff. Then again, I’m not someone who gets asked to do things. I’m the doer who does stuff for other people, runs their errands, watches their pets when they leave town, bring them food when they’re sick. It’s really hard to turn that off sometimes. Jeez… I’d be there, though.

  5. When the people imagine that you are an influent person, you don’t need to invite them 10 times … It looks like they are waiting at your door … We actually have very few true friends. The wind took away your friend. You’ll find another one with a true heart ! …
    I agree with you … It’s a miracle to have a husband as a lover at home and beautiful children and cool brothers and sisters and kind parents.
    Have a nice day

  6. Agreed.

    We moved 20 miles down the road when I was 17. People always said, “Come see us when you’re in town.” We always said, “Come see us” … and they’d act like it was 1,000,000 miles from them to us.

    I’ve told my wife that at my funeral there might be a few people drop by just to make sure I’m really dead before they go off and celebrate that event, but not to expect much of a crowd. My sisters probably will have some other “business” scheduled for that afternoon.

    • We moved less than an hours drive away. My husband still drives back and forth every day to work so it’s not a huge effort. And these friends drive here fairly often to go to the beach or the shops, they practically drive past my front door but still can’t make the effort. So stuff them.

  7. I feel ya. The point I declared, “I am no longer the secretary!” was when I had a group of “friends” stop talking to me (never learned why) but they still had the balls to call me a couple weeks later for details on an event we had all planned to attend together – because they couldn’t remember any of the info, which was publicly available. When I refused the provide the info, they then had the audacity to get mad at me!! So… they don’t have to be my friends but I was still supposed to be their secretary. DONE.

    I know give people ONE shot to do things with me. If they pass, it’s their turn to coordinate something. If they don’t, well… I see where I stand with them and I’m not wasting any more time on their “friendship”.

    • I think I’ve been giving people too many chances but I’m sick of it now. I suppose once I stop asking them to do things or stop organizing things they’ll all be bitching about how they never hear from me any more.

  8. Well that’s disappointing Cat, maybe you’ll end up making some nicer friends where you are. There’s something to be said for marrying someone you’re friends with, hey? (..and raising kids that aren’t terrible to be around…)

    • Yeah, and he puts up with my shit and goes and gets me takeaway on his push bike as well. And then puts up with me telling him to – ride bloody faster – so my pad thai noodles don’t all stick together.
      I have made a good friend here and it’s one of those setups where once you’re friends with her you’re in with the whole family. Sister, mother, father, I mean even her daughter drives me home from the pub sometimes. Now that’s a good friend.

  9. I do understand, so many “friends” appear to adopt the out of sight out of mind attitude. I have had one or two in recent times that I would have defended to the death, but apparently they were only in it for what they could get out of me… nothing anymore! I would give up too, and let them make the next move.

    • It just seems like it’s all been such a waste of time though. I put twenty years into one of those friendships and to just walk away from it now seems, I don’t know, like it was all just a waste of time. But better I guess than wasting another twenty on it.

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