My best friend at the moment is Jane. She’s the navigator in my GPS thing. My TomTom. We have a troubled sort of relationship because I don’t really trust her yet and she thinks I’m stupid. I have no sense of direction. When we drive anywhere I pay no attention at all, so just because I’ve been somewhere once that doesn’t mean I’d be able to find it a second time. So I bought a tomtom and I go where Jane tells me. Most of the time. I’ve discovered I have no sense of distance. Jane tells me to turn left in 800 metres and I drive along for a bit and think – I must have gone at least 800 metres – and I turn. And then I see Jane recalculating my trip because I’ve only gone about 400 metres. If there was an option for her to roll her eyes and sigh wearily she’d do it at least once every trip we take together. She must feel like coming out and slapping me. And don’t you just hate those right lane must turn right lanes. We’ve had a few disagreements over them. Mainly because she wants me to be going straight. Today I’m meeting an old friend for lunch and it’s out of my zone a bit so I decided on Monday to take Jane for a test drive just so I knew where I was going. I didn’t go right to their house of course because I don’t want them to think I’m a stalker or a weirdo. And I almost found my way home by myself. They are a marvellous invention though. Without mine I’d be stuck in the house or on the bus my whole life.