Where do you find one of those dogs that doesn’t smell?
I know they’re out there because I’ve touched some. I’ve just never had one for myself. You know those ones, you pat them then smell your hands and nothing, no need at all to whip out the handwash.
The dogs I’ve owned have all been stinkers. Betty is terribly on the nose. People always come here and see her and turn stupid. They say – isn’t she cute in their best doggy voice, then they get down and pat her and I just roll my eyes and grimace because I know they’re going to be sneaking off looking for some soap and water pretty soon. Sometimes when I hear them say that I wonder if another small cute dog has wandered into our yard and they’re talking to it. Like Chicken Little maybe. But I think she smells more doggy than Betty. Her breath certainly does. I inhaled a direct hit of it on the weekend.
I call Chicken Miss Sweaty Pits. She always has these clammy sweaty armpits. And some know it all told Kimba that dogs don’t sweat but he only needs to stick his hand in Chicken’s pits and he’d know that’s a lie.
And yes they get washed and their beds get washed. It doesn’t make any difference. Twenty minutes later, stinky again. The pet shop gave us some awful spray cologne but we didn’t use that for long because you just ended up with a combination of dog smell and sweet nastiness. Like when people try to mask their BO smell with deodorant. You’re not fooling anyone.
And I can’t stand any of those room fresheners. Anyway most of them give Daz a hayfever attack. Although the ads on tv make me laugh. There’s one where the Dad and kids are sitting on the lounge watching television and Mum must think they’re all on the nose a bit because she comes in with a spray can and gives the room a good spray, especially right above them. Seriously they must be damp by the time she’s finished. And one woman gives her lounge such a going over with the can of Glen 20 that the next person who sits in it is going to have a nasty wet spot on their pants. But my favourite is the freshener that plugs in to the powerpoint and squirts out a blast of scented spray at intervals. I always imagine someone walking past just as it sprays out. You get a blast of it in the side of the head.
And they never really smell nice. Or natural as they claim. Straight from nature. Yeah right. Maybe I need to stock up on some candles.
Chicken and Monkey Mark get some morning sun.
Chicken tries on some new clothes
Chicken does handstands
Chicken has an afternoon nap