Well I don’t have tongue cancer for a start. Because I was starting to think I did. Because I’m the type of person who develops a small symptom, Google’s it, researches it and then diagnoses myself with a massive illness.
So I had this lump on the end of my tongue. But it wasn’t really a lump, more of an extension. I know it wasn’t a lump because I went to the doctor and he said it didn’t feel like a lump but to keep an eye on it.
That was a few months ago and it hadn’t changed and it wasn’t sore but I hadn’t been to the dentist for a while so I thought I’d go for a check up and get him to have a look. Just in case.
Turns out I hadn’t been to the dentist for six years! Maybe if he didn’t charge me
$ 220.00 for a check up I’d go more often. Not that I need to because I didn’t have any problems. Anyway when I got there the receptionist said to me – You’ll need to give us your details again seeing as how it’s been a while since you’ve been. And I said – Nothing would have changed. And she said – Well you can just fill a new form out anyway. And I said – there’s no point, nothing has changed. And then she got my old details card and put it through the shredder. Just so I knew who was in charge. So I filled out the new details card with such messy, awful writing that she’ll never be able to read it anyway. So there.
So I said to the dentist – what do you reckon that lump is on the tip of my tongue. Here it is for you all to see.
And he poked around it for a while then went – ahaaaaaa. And ain’t it so that as soon as something is pointed out to you, it was bleeding obvious the whole damn time. See I have really crooked bottom teeth. They’re all crowded. When I was little the dentist wanted to pull one out so the others would have room but I had such a hissy fit about it that they didn’t bother. Which is a shame now because that’s what’s causing my deformed tongue. See that tooth that sticks forward and it leaves a little spot when my tongue pushes into and causes the lump/extension/deformity. See it just fits right in there.
So that was a relief. Now I don’t have to follow through on that deal I made about never drinking wine again if I had tongue cancer. He did say I could go to an orthodontist and have a tooth pulled out then have some sort of brace put on. Pft, he can forget that. Unless it grows to some hideous length. So now I just try and keep my tongue back.
The question for today was actually – show us what’s in your makeup bag. But I’m telling you people there’s nothing to see there. This is how it happens, I slap on some powder or foundation, blush, mascara and a swipe of lipstick. If I’m going out I add eyeliner. Sometimes eyeshadow if it’s going to be really dark. The one thing that I do use every morning is sunscreen. Best cosmetic out there.