Tell us about your visit to the dentist today. Day 11

Well I don’t have tongue cancer for a start. Because I was starting to think I did. Because I’m the type of person who develops a small symptom, Google’s it, researches it and then diagnoses myself with a massive illness.

So I had this lump on the end of my tongue. But it wasn’t really a lump, more of an extension. I know it wasn’t a lump because I went to the doctor and he said it didn’t feel like a lump but to keep an eye on it.

That was a few months ago and it hadn’t changed and it wasn’t sore but I hadn’t been to the dentist for a while so I thought I’d go for a check up and get him to have a look. Just in case.

Turns out I hadn’t been to the dentist for six years! Maybe if he didn’t charge me
$ 220.00 for a check up I’d go more often. Not that I need to because I didn’t have any problems. Anyway when I got there the receptionist said to me – You’ll need to give us your details again seeing as how it’s been a while since you’ve been. And I said – Nothing would have changed. And she said – Well you can just fill a new form out anyway. And I said – there’s no point, nothing has changed. And then she got my old details card and put it through the shredder. Just so I knew who was in charge. So I filled out the new details card with such messy, awful writing that she’ll never be able to read it anyway. So there.

So I said to the dentist – what do you reckon that lump is on the tip of my tongue. Here it is for you all to see.


And he poked around it for a while then went – ahaaaaaa. And ain’t it so that as soon as something is pointed out to you, it was bleeding obvious the whole damn time. See I have really crooked bottom teeth. They’re all crowded. When I was little the dentist wanted to pull one out so the others would have room but I had such a hissy fit about it that they didn’t bother. Which is a shame now because that’s what’s causing my deformed tongue. See that tooth that sticks forward and it leaves a little spot when my tongue pushes into and causes the lump/extension/deformity. See it just fits right in there.


So that was a relief. Now I don’t have to follow through on that deal I made about never drinking wine again if I had tongue cancer. He did say I could go to an orthodontist and have a tooth pulled out then have some sort of brace put on. Pft, he can forget that. Unless it grows to some hideous length. So now I just try and keep my tongue back.

The question for today was actually – show us what’s in your makeup bag. But I’m telling you people there’s nothing to see there. This is how it happens, I slap on some powder or foundation, blush, mascara and a swipe of lipstick. If I’m going out I add eyeliner. Sometimes eyeshadow if it’s going to be really dark. The one thing that I do use every morning is sunscreen. Best cosmetic out there.


12 thoughts on “Tell us about your visit to the dentist today. Day 11

  1. I had a similar lump on my tongue as well: it was apparently caused by my tendency to grind my teeth while I was sleeping. The tip of my tongue was getting stuck on the back of the lower teeth and I guess I would occasionally bite the poor thing. Why it didn’t wake me up, I don’t know.

    So you’re going to start drinking again? I didn’t know alcohol was associated with tongue cancer. Chewing tobacco and cigars yes, but I keep saying red wine just makes us all happier and healthier.

    • I’m very aware of my tongue now. Every night before I go to sleep I try to curl it up at the end, or keep it pushed back a bit. I’m training it. Is yours still there or did it resolve itself?

      Lol, yes I’m back on the drink again. Not so much now I run though. Can’t get up and run for an hour if you’ve been drinking. Plus I’m trying to conserve some brain cells. They had a thing doing the rounds here earlier in the year or maybe last year about alcohol and mouth cancers. They were even advising people against using mouth washes because of the alcohol content in them.

  2. I thought maybe you were growing a forked tongue! But yes, you can see where it fits nicely in there behind your teeth. I had a good chuckle at your exchange with the receptionist. Nice solution you came up with!

  3. This really cracked me up… sorry to laugh at your woes. But you must have more patience than me. I would have walked out after that lady shredded my info! What a bitch! I was fuming on your behalf. At least you got her back with the crappy writing. Give us her number and we can all crank call her. 🙂

    • Lol – yes, I’m full of childish revenge ideas. You can all ring her and say – hello, I was a patient there a while back and I’d just like to change my details please. And then be really dumb about it.

  4. Hmm… that explains so much since I have similarly funked up teeth. Not that it was ever an option to have them straightened. And now that I have so many other breakdowns happening, there’s not enough cash to handle them anyway. Good thing tongues are so mooshy.

    What’s in my makeup bag? I have a makeup bag?!?

    • Well yes, I guess it’s a good thing that they’re mooshy but I wouldn’t want mine to end up looking like an echidna. A mooshy echidna. Look at that, spell check doesn’t know echidna. Or mooshy. I’ve become so aware of my tongue since seeing the dentist that it’s starting to feel like it’s way too big for my mouth. It’ll probably choke me in my sleep soon.

      You’ll get by without a makeup bag. It’s ok.

      • I was going to write ‘mushy’ instead of ‘mooshy’ but ‘mushy’ seems to have a Cream of Wheat/Farina/grits connotation in my head and did not seem appropriate. Perhaps squishy would have been a better choice but that just reminds me of other things that don’t seem to fit with a tongue situation.

        Echidna is a good word. We should use that more often.

  5. ROFL about you writing so messy that that crazy receptionist will not be able to read your information. HOW RUDE of her for heavens sakes. All my docs make us fill out new papers every year! And every time I go see a doc, they go over my entire med list. So, now I just hand them a piece of paper listing my currents meds, how much, how often taken, etc. Let them deal with all of that info!

    That is amazing about your tongue! I never thought about the affect of crooked teeth on our tongues!

    • I know – weird isn’t it. I never even thought it might have been my teeth causing the problem. Can’t wait to go back and tell my doctor – he loves that kind of quirky thing.

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