Do they really exist? Apparently not for me. For one thing I am not tall. I never thought I was exactly short, but it seems that I am. Because the first problem I encounter when buying pants is the length. I always have to have length taken off pants. And there’s usually enough fabric taken off that I could make a matching vest with it.
Then we have the rise of the waist. Before I even try on a pair of pants I look at the length of the fly zip. Some of them are barley a few centimetres long and I know not to even bother with them. Because I like to be able to bend over or squat down knowing that my crack is safely out of sight.
But then you don’t want to go for the really high rise waist. Because then you look like you have an enormously long arse.
And I don’t have a waist. Or I don’t have hips. And I’m not big. I just have a sort of cylinder body. And they always seem to make pants that cut in at the waist then round out over the hips. So by the time I get them to fit my hips they’re digging into my waist and giving me a massive muffin top. But if I get them to fit my waist, they’re floating around my hips. And it doesn’t matter if I put on weight or lose weight because I keep the same proportions.
And I know I’m not the only one because I see some young girls out there in terrible fitting pants. But they don’t seem to care. Tight jeans with tight singlets and great big bellies hanging over the top. I mean self confidence is a wonderful thing but I think the problem really is that they can’t find a pair of bloody pants that fit.