Well my husband – a tradie – has found this new quality magazine. It came free from the bottle shop. And the lovely girls on the front do a centrefold as well. In bikinis, holding very large power tools. I'm sure there are some kind of OH & S safety rules about that.
Anyway it has a joke page – titled Laugh Till Ya Barf! – I told you it was quality.
A man escaped from prison after 15 years and broke into a house, but found a young couple in bed. He ordered the guy out of bed and tied him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed, kissed her neck and went to the bathroom. The husband turned to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict. He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. If he wants sex, don't resist, do whatever he tells you. This guy is probably very dangerous. Be strong, honey, I love you."
"He wasn't kissing my neck," his wife replied. "He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!"