A mass of messy documents I have. I save all sorts of odds and sodds and it's time for a massive cleanup.
So its time to slag the guys a bit today. Sorry guys. I'll just make fun of you then delete you. Sigh, if only that were possible.
Men are like … Laxatives - They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like .. Blenders - You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like … Snowstorms – You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Three Men on a Hike
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'
Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'
Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
And just so you guys don't get all sooky lala -
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
'No…not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times