I’ll have a straw with that thanks

Yesterday I had the taste for some chips. Or crisps, or whatever you call them wherever you live. Salty, crunchy, fatty goodness in a packet. But I wanted in particular the french fries. Or as I call them, straws.

So, I was at the bottle shop (the bottlo) and I put my bottle of wine on the counter and said to the young guy working there

Do you have any straws?

And he kind of looked flustered and went

Oh, yeah, sure

And started searching under the counter.

No, no, I said. Chips, in a pack, french fries.

Ooooh, he said, laughing in a nervous/relieved way. I thought you wanted a straw to drink your wine.

He was very polite about it though.

It hasn't come to that yet. Or rather come to that again. Because who can't remember sitting in a carpark somewhere trying to push a cork into a bottle of wine with some tool you found in the boot of the car so you could pass a bottle around.


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19 thoughts on “I’ll have a straw with that thanks

  1. [this made me laugh] I've never tried opening a bottle with fries, but they are 1) my favorite beer garnish 2) ditto ketchup (do Aussies call it catsup?). I love ketchup even more than salty greasy crispy potatoes, which is quite a lot.

  2. We just call it sauce. I was the only kid I knew who ate ketchup though because my father comes from Guernsey. I'm still the only person I know who eats bovril.
    Don't you have your ketchup on something???

  3. Fries are the usual vehicle for ketchup, as in I'll have a few fries with my ketchup. I like the name sauce. I think I'll start using that term.
    I've never heard of bovril, but just wikipediaed it … it sounds like it would be heavenly if I wasn't already off the beef. Is it anything like Marmite? I love that stuff.

  4. lol – had visions of you sitting with your sauce and a spoon.
    Bovril is much nicer than marmite. Marmite is more like vegemite. I'm probably one of the only australians that doesn't like vegemite. And bovril is more runny. Thick but not solid. I went off it after the whole Mad Cow thing in england but now I just pretend it doesn't have real beef in it. Just essence of beef.

  5. funny. been a long time since i've done the push-the-cork-down routine — at least a week; also hacked away at a cork that won't budge with a swiss army knife. just one of innumerable uses for the knife.

  6. Nothing like that mouthful of wine full of cork floaters. I haven't bought a bottle of wine with a cork in it for ages. Most of them here have twist tops now. I always make sure I get a twist top.

  7. I've considered more than once taking a bottle of wine with a recalcitrant cork and smashing the neck against the counter. Works well in a fight, too.
    Ketchup with fries, of course. Also with home fries and hash browns. It is the perfect accompaniment for carbo-greasy goodness.
    Dancer, when I had some skin sliced off my lip for a biopsy, for a few days afterwards I had to drink my coffee with a straw. It was too annoying.

  8. lol – must not have her coffee very hot. Would be so it doesn't stain her teeth. Dr Karl says we should drink fizzy drink with a straw a well so you don't get as much sugar over your teeth.

  9. I always seem to go into the cork with the corkscrew crooked and once that happens, you're stuffed.
    Ketchup is a funny word. Here it only relates to tomato flavour. Otherwise it's just sauce. Tomato sauce, BBQ sauce or Steak sauce. My friend makes the best hash browns – feel like some now. Lots of salt. No Ketchup. Or Sauce.

  10. Seems like the world would be a better place if there were more people like you, you make me smile, but unfortunately I've the feeling that you're rather unique.:-)

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